The struggles of starting over!

I failed in  Mathematics in standard 7th, which was one of my very firsts and remains one of many of my worsts till the present day. More than the embarrassment of failing a subject so crucial, what bothered me was the process that followed it. The need to start preparing from ground zero. 

Imagine that more than half of your classmates are preparing to go on a vacation, cause they cleared their finals while you have to sit in the remedial classes to prepare for the supplementary exams. Endorsing all the mental struggles during the whole session and then back to square one. It does break you a little.

Nevertheless, the next year was followed by equal hustle and I somehow scored a 9 CGPA in grade 8th.

I believe very little is spoken about how it takes so much practice and patience to rebuild the lost confidence, whether in a classroom's four concrete walls or in life. 

Starting over is a struggle of your present you with the past you to build a better future YOU. 

You can be living and enjoying your present only to be unaware of what the next moment holds for you. Sometimes, in fact, most of the time the outcomes are scary but we don't stop creating hope. A small but fundamental four-letter word, this very world runs on. 

Whether it's a failed relationship, a failed job, or just as I described above, a failed subject, starting over requires great strength. Starting from ground zero is both difficult and challenging. 

While the road to begin again might be long but I believe it would be a lot more familiar this time, cause you would, of course, be crossing the same streets you have passed once hastily, without noticing stuff. But the breeze seems to be familiar, giving you all the moments of deja vu. 

When we talk about deja vu, we are actually talking about time frames repeating. That brings us to the very intriguing concept of the time dimension also known as the 4th dimension in the universe. 

Chapter 8, verse 17 of Bhagwadgeeta, 

sahasra-yuga-paryantam

ahar yad brahmaṇo viduḥ

rātriṁ yuga-sahasrāntāṁ

te ’ho-rātra-vido janāḥ

Chapter 8, verse 18 of Bhagwadgeeta, 

avyaktaadvyaktayaha sarvaahaa prabhavantyaharaagame

raatryaagame praleeyante tatraivaavyaktasangyake

verse 17 above, states that "Brahma's day as covering a thousand Mahayugas, and so his night as extending to another thousand Mahayugas, know the reality about time."

While verse 18 translates that, "All embodies beings emanate from the Unmanifest (i.e., Brahma's subtle body ) at the coming of the cosmic day; at the cosmic nightfall they merge into the same subtle body of Brahma, known as the Unmanifest.

This somewhat confirms the time cycles repeating over the course of years in different cosmic worlds. So have we already lived this life an "X" no. of times before? (Will dive deeper into it, in my blog series, 'decoding the epics'.)

I recently broke up with a close friend, and when you are building new friendships in their place (not their replacement) the flashbacks hit differently. Sitting in the same restaurant, munching on the same dishes but this time with a completely new person. 

The cheesecake might taste the same but the after taste will be a little lost this time.

That allows me to conclude that, no matter how hard you try, if something has to break apart, no glue in this world could ever fix it together. Even if it does, the crack remains. Which creates a possibility for it to break again, owing to the delicacy of the bond now. 

So better you savor those dishes with a new person, starting over with a completely new individual, who might not be able to take their place but would certainly give you better and healthy memories to cherish.  

Apart from your mind, the most important part of creating memories is done by your heart. Your mind for once can forget some past memories, but your heart won't. It still would beat at the same speed as before when it experience a similar timeline that is repeating in your life. 

For example, crossing the streets of your school after 10 years of passing out, will still give the same chills to your soul. Memories and experiences as fresh as ever when you were crossing the path 10 years back, sitting at the back and bumpy seat of your school bus. 

Will you refer to your heart as brainy or foolish to still remember it all after years? Things that even your mind can not recollect, but your heart does. 

Next time you encounter something familiar, refer to your heart as more brainy than your brain actually is!